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That dreaded time is here again…you have to tell someone bad news, and you know they’re not going to like it one tiny little bit. But we can’t avoid it any longer. So you’re thinking ‘ugh.’ Well, okay, you think some more and decide, I’ll just do it really quickly and use ‘my-way-or-the-highway’ energy. This scenario and thinking-style happens often.
As a society, we teach conflict resolution by modeling. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we taught our children at a young age how to deliver bad news well. And yes, it is possible to deliver bad news and still maintain a positive relationship, in both our business and personal lives. We’ll talk you through some smart strategic decisions in two stages – preparation and execution.
Prepare to Deliver the Bad News
1. First, understand your listener. How strong will his reaction be to the bad news? What emotions will he experience? What are his cultural influences?
What are her values? In short, what are her filters?
Most important to an effective conversation is how you language the message. You can easily touch an emotional trigger and get a bigger reaction than you wanted. Choose words that connect to the listener, and you’ll better relate. For instance, my two sons think differently – my eldest, Matt, is verbally intelligent and my son, Adam, is logically intelligent. To connect with Matt, use lots of words – he likes that. To connect with Adam, use sequential languaging, and he’ll stay with you well. Tailoring your message to your audience is simply organizing it in the way the listener processes information.
2. Create safety by being smart with where and when. People need to feel emotionally safe. If you want to have an effective confrontational conversation, select your place and time in advance with careful consideration. The more comfortable the both of you are the better the chance of good word choices. In other words, think ahead .
3. What words do you use? A critical success factor is your word choices in the moment. The more positive feelings you project, the less resistance you will get back. And your positive feelings are captured in your word choices. Here are a few hints.
o Don’t use blaming words.
o Don’t use flaming words – no name calling.
o Don’t exaggerate.
o Do be careful and not use words that trigger negative emotion.
o Do phrase your messages in what you can do, not what you can’t do.
4. Select an effective medium. Too many people use technology as way to avoid direct contact – voice mail, texting or email. I say to you – don’t hide using technology. It’s not fair to your audience. If you have a pattern of delivering bad news in this way, you will eventually destroy trust and harm the relationship. Be respectful by choosing a kind medium.
5. Control you. When you need to deliver bad news, it could be that you are emotionally caught up in the negativity as well, and if you start a conversation with negative energy and a negative tone, that’s exactly what you’ll get back. So, a very important part of preparation is you and your emotions. Get yourself out of the way. Go for a walk – take the time to be in good emotional space.
Okay, you’re prepared. It’s time to deliver the bad news. How do you do it? Here’s how.
Execution:
Once you are prepared, you need to deliver the news. Here are two implementation strategies. One is called The Sandwich and the other is The Staub Confrontation Process, published by Dusty Staub’s, CEO of Staub Leadership Solutions. The Sandwich is often used in writing and Staub’s process is often a verbal delivery.
1. The Sandwich – When you expect the listener to have a strong negative reaction to your message, consider informing them gently. Ease into the information. Say a buffer first – a greeting, a welcome, a social comment, maybe a sincere thank you. Then talk about the current situation in a real and factual way. State the bad news (sandwich the bad news in the middle – hence the name). Then ease out into a positive -toned close.
· The introduction is a positive message with an emotionally neutral tone. · The body is organized so that the negative information is nested in the middle of the paragraph. And, by all means, state the bad news once using few words. · The conclusion is to wrap up the message and bring the listener/reader back to positive state.
2. The Staub Confrontation Process – In order to deliver the bad news effectively, you need understand the languaging process. What do you say when in the delivery of your message? The following details the flow for you.
Step 1: State the facts. Stay relevant. Don’t mention old stuff.
Step 2: State the impact. State how this has affected you.
Step 3: State your feelings. State how you feel about it. Be honest and kind.
Step 4: Ask for understanding. Ask your audience to repeat the message and work the conversation till you both feel like you have a clear understanding.
Step 5: Make action decisions. Communicating bad news is really about – what can we do about this? Now is the time to make forwarding plans, and agree to those plans.
Step 6: Agree on follow up. Get agreement on how and when you will communicate on this matter again. When you get the agreement in place, it’s easy to hold each other accountable.
And above all, stay present. Be fully in the conversation. Listen.
Successful Business Communication 