Leadership is relationships. We love the people who touch our lives and made them better – sometimes it’s a parent, perhaps it’s a teacher, a boss, or a friend that influences you to improve. When we connect and cause change, we make a difference. Do you want to make more of a positive difference to those in your life?
If so, the good news is, you can be a better leader. Leadership skills are learned. This article is the first in a series to build your leadership toolbox. So, let’s get started by talking about words.
Words influence; we feel them. Words change the world. We’ve walked on the moon inspired by John F. Kennedy; we’ve felt determination to bring three astronauts home to Earth inspired by Gene Kranz’s words, “Failure is not an option,” and we live in a more culturally unified nation fueled from Dr. Martin Luther King’s dream. Words impact our thinking and our behavior.
Because of this impact, I am here to say language is a verb©. Through the action of combining words with intention, we create change in ourselves and in others.
Words create mental images. And the more vivid the language, the quicker we understand the message. For example, feel the words “walk,” “pace,” and “strut.” For me, the word “walk” feels positive and consistent and forwarding. The word “pace” feels negative and nervous and uncomfortable. And the word “strut” means an over-confidence and passion. Perhaps they feel the same to you, perhaps they don’t. But, we do feel them. Words represent meaning.
In languaging, we do need to remember that the message spoken is not always the message heard. We filter our understanding through our life experiences, our personalities, and our thoughts. Perception is reality.
So, now it’s time for you to practice your languaging to affect positive change in others. Here’s a list to of build your language leadership tool.
Enhancing self awareness…
- Listen to your self-talk. You talk to others the same way you talk to yourself. In order to encourage others, you need to be practicing positive self-talk. Examine your thought patterns; how positive or negative is your thinking? For one week, keep a count of your negative thoughts. If you need to increase your positivity, and most of us do, put some routines in place to reframe the negative thoughts to powerful positive ones. Know that changing your base thought patterns requires consistency, commitment and patience mixed with relationship support.
2. Listen to others’ word choices. We reveal ourselves in the way we combine our words. Listen for the patterns. For instance, head-based people start sentences with ‘I think that…;” heart-based people start sentences with ‘I feel that…;” and people who say ‘I see… ’ are visually-oriented.
3. Listen for others’ value foundations. Who we are on the inside is reflected on the outside. For example, the person who values organization will have a life that is highly organized. A person who values sports will involve his/herself in sports.
Enhancing your relationships…
- Speak listener-focused. Start the conversation with what the other person cares about, and they will be delighted to be in conversation with you. For example, when you talk with the organized person, be organized in your language. They’ll like it. When you want to connect to the sports enthusiast, start with sports. It shows you ‘get’ them. It shows you care about them.
2. Ask lots of questions. Keep people talking about themselves. In others words, keep the attention on them – we like to talk about ourselves.
3. Tell stories and use metaphors to make it real. Adults learn through stories, so learn to be a great storyteller. Stories engage us; we feel them. What is a movie, but a story.
4. Use your body language to support your words. Be congruent in your movements.
Intentionally choose your words and be a person who enhances the lives of other people.
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